violence

Last night I was gearing up for the debate party my friend Sean was hosting around the corner. I was tasked with picking up sour cream and diced tomatoes on my way so I grabbed my cloth bag from the rack put on my jacket and waled outside. I passed the perpetually group of kids ranging through to 20 somethings that inhabit the stoop across the street.

Now, I live in a quickly gentrifying community. I know this because I've lived here since before it was gentrifying, and I see the people coming into this neighborhood inspired by inexpensive rent but also having no desire to make this a home, or invest in making this neighborhood nicer. This was one of the primary reasons I felt a need to get involved even minimally with the community garden, and reach out to the more receptive neighbors. I want to live in a place I am welcome.

I was about 20-30 feet past this group when I heard a loud crack and felt an intense pain in my left ear just and just rear of my temple. I don't want to over dramatize it, but my immediate thought was, is this what it feels like to get shot? It isn't.

This is what it feels like to get hit in the side of a the head with a rock about the size of a golf ball thrown from somewhere across the street and behind me.

I doubled over and stumbled into the plywood wall of the building under construction unsure if more were to follow this and reached up to assess the damage. Blood dripped down onto my hand and I could barely think. I might have screamed, 'What the fuck was that?!' at the top of my lungs, and quickly hurried down the street and around the corner. I vaguely remember an adult voice saying, "That's enough get inside now!"

I called Sean, and told him to open the front door and got upstairs. By this time the initial haze was wearing off. I got my ear cleaned up, and like most head wounds it was a small cut but a bleeder. Disinfected it and told Sean I was going back to talk to these people. Perhaps not the best decision I could have made.

But this is where I draw my line in the sand. I don't want to live in a place that doesn't want me here. I've put a lot of work into trying to fit into this community and not just using it as a crash pad till I move up in the world. And I'll be damned before I let someone hit me in the head with a rock from behind and not have the guts to walk up to them and ask them why they did it.

Now, as we walked back around the block, I got to thinking about how I've seen the younger kids throwing rocks against this plywood wall before. I have no doubt that this wasn't an accident. But I can imagine two scenarios leading up to this. The first in which a late teenager or twenty-something decides they don't like me and they want a fight and they nail me in the head with a rock. Straightforward, simple.

I can also imagine a 9-12 year old, cocky, and thinking they could scare me with a near miss and unintentionally nailing me. I'll never know, but I know I can live in a neighborhood with the latter scenario, and perhps find a little forgiveness for it too. The first one only ends poorly.

I walked right up to them, still a little stunned and said, "Can I talk to you for a minute. I don't know who did it, but someone just threw a rock at me across the street and hit me in the head".

A chorus of, "We didn't do nuffin, man".

I followed up, "I didn't say you did, but you were all out here, and if you know who did, just let them know if they got a problem with me they can talk to me. I'm your neighbor. Does anyone over here have a problem with me?".

"Nah, no one here has aproblem with you."

"Did you see it happen, it was right over there," I point, " and I was screaming at the top of my lungs, you had to have seen it."

"Nobody here saw nothing."

"Sorry, I'm still a little rattled, I just got hit in the head with a rock. Ya'll have a goodnight."

And that was about that. I went on to watch the debate, with a handful of aspirin and an ice pack. So, what now? Well, I don't believe communities happen, I believe they get made. I think I'm just going to try to reach out more, say hello on the street more, work more in the garden. In truth, I really don't know what else I can do.